In Silence

Dear Mentor,

     I had one of the happiest moments in my life happening when I am mature enough to appreciate it.  Or, was I?  You know pretty well that I have loved many before, yet such love was never reciprocated.  For the first time in my existence, my feelings were shared by no less than the one I truly and deeply love despite and inspite of our petty quarrels in the past.  Truly, love comes like a thief in the night, unexpected, unanticipated, and surprising.

     You know how important this time is in my life – take note for the record;  this is my very first time to be in a serious relationship, a historic turn in my life.  I was so nervous, I must admit.  Of course, I do not know yet the things of the trade, they say, but as we went on, I felt I was in good hands and everything fell in its proper place.

     I now understand, Mentor, why so many people who fall in love often neglect their very own existence.  Loving is giving so much of oneself without expecting something in return.  I did encounter such feeling.  But, I did receive something in return – the other person giving him so much of himself, as well.

     Yes, this is a grand day, Mentor.  I wanted so much to shout it in a cathartic manner in a world that judges people by what is seen, yet it is a part of our restriction.  We can only love each other in silence, just the two of us knowing about it.  I feel proud of the moment, proud of him, proud of the time we spend together, proud of the messages we convey each other, our exchange of sweet thoughts.  But, everything must just bebetween us.  I have fears it would not work for so long, but only time can tell.  Anyway, when it will end so soon, we have temporariness of things to blame.  At least, I will never blame myself or him for it’s early termination.  And, at the very least, I had my very first time to be loved by someone I love.

     This moment lends substance to what I have learned from and quoted by my friends long before I finished college: “To love in silence, for in silence there is no rejection, and in loneliness, nobody owns him but me.”  At least, I was not rejected, and when we were together it is me, I know, who owns him, and that he owns me.  On this premise, I think, I should find contentment.

     In telling so, I am not trying to convince myself or anyone that I am alright with the set up.  It is only that in silence is called for under the circumstances, that I understand our very reasons for the silence.  At least so far, as between the two of us, I am certain by what he is showing me, by his assurance that I have nothing to worry, nothing to fear in our relationship.

     I have high hopes that silence will bring us somewhere farther than we expected, and with high hopes goes my prayer that sometime in the future, we could come out in the open where we can tell others freely what we truly feel for each other, that the world would not be unfair in judging us, and that in the end, acceptance of our relationship will come like a thief in the night, unexpected, unanticipated, and surprising.  By that time, mentor, silence would be as lous as it can get.  That would be the day!

 I remain,

Enamored Angel Mielle